dear whoever invented to school bus,

you are one sadistic son of a bitch.  and that's all there is to it.  i don't know how you managed to convince everyone that your huge yellow torture chamber was the best way to go from home, to school, and back again.  but it makes you the worst person in history.

with the kind of hatred that could kill you from 500 feet away,
       steph.

i hate school buses.  the seats are the ugliest color brown known to man.  and they're not leather.  they're not even pleather.  whoever invented to school bus didn't even give us the decentcy of pleather.  they're like, some sort of hard, rubber substance.  and theres no seat belts.  none.  so, if you get in a wreck, well, hope you hugged your mommy CAUSE THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU'LL EVER SEE HER, JUNIOR.  theres just enough room so you're like "oh, this isn't so bad." and then 5 minutes later you're like "AGHHH, i can't feel my spiiine."  if you've got a set to yourself, you can't just lay down.  oh no.  that'd make it way too easy.  even the fetal position is too much for that seat to handle.  if you try to rest your head on the window, it just rattles it.  so you feel like you could, quite possibly, be insane.  the windows are the hardest to roll, no, push down in the world.  i've never been on a school bus where all the windows work.  nope.  they just don't make them that way.

so, in conclusion, eff you, you sadistic psycho school bus inventor.  eff you, and all you stand for.

this is what's going to happen.  tomorrow, i'll wake up and dubya and kerry and nader and all those other fuckcocks will be dead and everyone will vote for ross perot.  so that'll be decided.  then i'll finally win that contest on the back of my box of poptarts.  so that'll be good.  then i'll get a free car.  and it'll be my birthday.  twice.  on the same day.  and uh, i'll get an honorary degree in being a righteous dude from the university of funk (get down, get down).  also, i'll have a nice pink pony with hair i can comb all day long.

     :cough:

steph.  i need a ouija board.  or at least a magic 8 ball.  those things are SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN, DAMNIT.

Kyle, i love you.

well, i'm about as tired as the last prostitute in mexico city.

i've been getting a lot of mail lately.  i'm not sure why.  bush sent me one.  he asked me for money.  again.  he sent me a picture too.  it says "thanks for the goodtime the other night.  <33 smooches.  G.W."  well, not quite.  it doesn't really.  it actually says something along the lines of "me and laura are waiting for you.  drop by 1600 penn. sometime.  you naughty, naughty girl!"

i saw a bumper sticker that said "abolish slavery".  i was like, abolish slavery?  pssh, the cottonocracy will never stand for that.

theres been some allegations that i have too much time on my hands.  let me assure you, this is completely true.  there have also been some allegations that i am one cool dude.  this is also completely true.   one cool dude?  i think so.

did you know that theres a pirates of the caribeean slip n' slide.  i didn't.  i've never even been on a normal slip and slide.  now i have to be on a pirates of the caribeean one?  i can't handle this much stress.
my friend max is having a slip n' slide party.  he's going to play that song that goes:  slip and slide, take it to the house.  and we'll probably get krunk.  or something.

so, i do this new thing, it's where i call people "be-yah".  like be-yotch.  except they're not quite qualified to be total be-yotches.  only half be-yotch.  half be-yotch, half non be-yotch.  jana asked me what a be-yotch was i think yesterday.  i was like "dag, yo.  you must be frontin' be-yah"  she replied with "oh stephonie, you're such a jerk off.  suggy, bite her!"  she doesn't love me anymore.

i bet snoopys an AzN dog.  snu-pei.  i think so anyway.

steph.  dats right, be-yah.

i love you, kyle.

this is it.  are you ready?  can you feel it?  are you at the edge of your seat?  are you even sitting down?  you might want to be.  stand up and sit back down again cause this is gonna be big.  it's so important i can't even tell you what it's about.  but i'll tell you what it has to do with.  a gay pornstar.  and a gay pornstar name at that.  fine, ok.. i'll stop teasing you and tell you.  "The Slot Machine".  do you love it?  you heard it here first.

remix!  remix!

i just woke up about 5 hours ago.  it's pretty awesome.  i guess.  heres the most exciting thing that happened this week.  on television some people are getting into an arguement about the texture of the wall.  it's getting really heated.  the guy was like "but really you can paint this stone any color"  and then the AzN guy was like "what if i want to paint it like bright tourquoise and hott black, huh white devil?  you white folk, going around teching your kids to read harry potter and run around like little satanists."  and then the white guy was all "hammer time" and suddenly it faded to dream sequence and they were all wearing parachute pants and dancing around.  okay, so none of that is true.  but still.  i had you going.

listen to the bass lines in my sharona and tell me that doesn't get stuck in your head.  go on, i dare you.

oh, what's me and kyles song you ask?  boney m - daddy cool.  it's the most rad song you'll ever hear and the videos even better.  it's kinda like donna ross and the supremes, but donna ross is some jamacan tight white pleather pants wearing man who likes to peel off his clothes to reveal his flesh and completely expose himself.  after watching that long enough you'll be crazier then a dog in heat.

heres a story for the kids.  the main charactor is jana, so i suggest you read it.

jana and me were in the car, she was driving.  jana pulled up to a red light at 5 points and the villiage people stopped right next to us.  there was the indian, and the police man, and the sailor and even the bondage tight-ass leather guy.  me personal favorite, i should add.  i wanted to wave.  but i didn't because i didn't want them to think i was a fan or anything.  i also didn't want them to beat me up.  that's the last thing i'd need.  a fist full of gay guys who were big in 79' to kick my ass.

i'm just kidding.  i don't think they could beat me up.

Dear Ross Perot-

please run again for president.  i don't like bush and i don't like kerry.  and nader, well, he's still ralph nader.  unfortunatly.  so please ross perot, spice up my life.  add some bama lama ding dong to it.  pull a ross perot.  i'm not exactly sure if you're alive or not.  but who cares, run anyway.  a crypt campaign.  if necessary.

something you might not know about jana though is that she's a psychic.  and she predicts stuff.  not about the future though, she kinda just says stuff.  here are some of her predictions.

-"shut up, stephonie!  you're such a jerkoff."
-"stick that in the microwave, and it's going to get hot."
-"Y2K is REAL!"
-"boys like natural women.  i don't know why you always wax yourself, steph."

hey, i didn't say she was always right.

oh, and thanks to everyone who comments me periodically.  i mean, i'm not gonna be all modest about it, sure i love getting comments.  i'd still write despite getting comments or not, but i just enjoy having feedback and such.

kyle, i love you.

-steph.  not my best.  not even very good.  oh well, i think it's hilarious because i've got jokes behind the jokes for only myself.

all i've been doing it playing FF8 lately.  and poor shaun colligan has to keep helping me with it.  oh well.

this week i hung out with kyle for 23 1/2 hours.  wow.

you know, the only comments i get are from white people.  how about some azns or halfbreeds start to comment me too.  i'd really like that.

i really like this song.  it was either gonna be this or the thong song that's by like sisco.  but i think his name should be crisco cause that makes way more sence.  i garantee you that's what he deep fries his chicken in. 

if you haven't looked at ford lately, look again.
BUILT FORD TOUGH.

i hate that commercial.

harry potter on tuesday, 12:09.  it's gonna be off the hizle for shizzle my rizzle.

yesterday, my mom tried to tickle me, and it didn't work.  so i said jana, i'm not ticklish.  and she said, where are you then, in between your legs?  and i just sat there.  i didn't know whether she was comming on to me or trying to be funny or being a cool jerkoff.  which is what she calls me by the way.

oh, and on an additional note, suck it easy big guy.

ok, here, read this survey.

i stole this from a guys xanga. so, some answers might not really work. but let's just try and compensate for that. so i bolded the stuff that applies to me and added my two cents under every question just so you could know even more about me.

01. i have a job that i hate.
never had a job in my life.

02. I love my friends.
not really. they're just tolerant.

03. ive been fucked over many times.
once.

04. I'm right handed.
right handed people live longer then left handed people.

05. I am bored.
duh. i'm taking a survey.

06. i am very shy
yea..right.

07. I hate when people type in all caps online.
makes them sound angry.

08. I also hate people who TypE LyKe D1s.
nah, that almost makes me want to hold a conversation with the person.

09. i have a girlfriend
yea, and his name is kyle.

10. my door swings one way.
if this isn't the back door we're talking about then yes.

11. life suddenly bores me.
no way.

12. I love guinness.
no.

13. I'm going to be 18
..in 3 years.

14. I wish I were out of my box.
what box?

15. I have no brothers or sisters.
after me jana said never again.

16. I love being warm, but not too hot.
it's a nice feeling.

17. i've never learned to keep my mouth shut.
i could if i really wanted to, i just don't really want to.

18. I'm a severe procrastinator.
who isn't?

19. I am questionable.
applies to babys mommas daddys only.

20. i'm not afraid to love.
why would i be?

21. I love bloody steak.
i also love drinking sheeps blood under a full moon.

22. I don't like people questioning my intelligence.
i'm fucking smart.

23. I wish people didnt look like they came off of assmebly lines.
assembly*, asshole.

24. i wish i were special.
nah, all these years of sesame street knocked it in my head that i am special.

25. i want to live in the past.
if i did i'd be amish.

26. I like the smell of love spell.
i like the smell of sex panther.

27. I want to learn witchcraft, and see if it works..
me and vanessa tried it. no success.

28. my knees are hurt.
..no.

29. I wish I lived closer to my friends.
that'd be nice.

30. i have lost all feeling . . . everywhere..
not everywhere.

31. I cant stand the sound of your voice.
i don't mind.

32. I dont like feeling like everyone is watching me.
i love that feeling.

33. I hate being alone.
alone as in locked up in my room, no. i love that. alone as in single. ehh.

34. If I could, I'd lay in bed awake all day just fooling around with someone.
done that.

35. My parents know nothing about me.
jana barely knows english for fucks sake.

36. my eyes bleed when i look in the mirror.
the fuck kinda question is that?

37. i hate shaving.
wax.

38. I am very self-concious.
only about 1 thing.

39. I love ice cold water.
fuck no. it has no taste. and ice pisses me off.

40. I try and learn to play guitar.
no way. i was not ment to play guitar.

41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing.
i prefer thoughtful, meaningful gifts to something expensive that'll prolly just collect dust anyway.

42. I am passively terrified of my future.
i fucking wish it were 3 years from now.

43. im scared of what i may become.
what the fuck?

44. I'm afraid of the dark and of ghosts.
i don't like to go out at night alone.

45. I can't live without someone.
kyle. i'm somewhat dependent on him.

46. I can't be alone for long periods of time.
my life consists of being locked up in my room.

47. I'm Irish and german.
i'm german.

48. I love being with good friends.
not really.

49. I hate you.
depends on my mood.

50. I wish I were closer with my old friends than I am.
if i wanted to be i would be.

51. I can't stand total silence.
i don't mind, really.

52. I hate the sound of gum chewing or loud chewing while eating. People smacking their chops. 
yea.

53. I hate when people ignore me.
fucking hate it.

54. I trust too much at times.
to this day i can say i never fully trusted someone. i'm getting there though.

55. I remember dates of important days.
yea, i can remember numbers easily.

56. i've had a promise broken.
sure.

57. i love movies of all kind..
most movies suck.

58. I effing love cuddling.
you mean fucking.

59. I like when my friends write me letters and emails, it makes me feel special.
i am special, damnit.

60. i find the need to always ask why.
mm hmm

61. There's a lot to my life that no one knows about...
sure.

62. I hide every emotion until it boils over.
no way. i'm easier to read then a book.

63. I have a very stress free way of living.
on certain days.

64. I wish i could drive.
yep.

65. I get frustrated when I cannot fall asleep.
nyquil.

66. I hate when my feet and hands are cold.
yes.

67. I don’t have a swimming pool.
i do have a swimming pool.

68. I hate to be stared at.
not at all.

69. < best number ever.
fucking whores.

70. I get sad when im alone.
if i think too much.

71. I hate crying. I have done way more than my share.
yep. over the stupidest shit that gets blown up in my face.

72. I like people who make me laugh.
not many though, but yea.

73. I wish I knew more.
definatly.

74. I'm not afraid of dying.
no.

75. I don’t get jealous easily.
hahahaha yea fucking right. anyone who remotly knows me knows that i'm probably the most over reactive jelous bitch when it comes to certain things.

76. I love to make fun of people who are making fun of me at the same time.
i like making fun of people. and i tell people to make fun of me but they never do. so i dk.

77. I want to lose a lot of the crap in my room.
if i did i'd just throw it away.

78. I love to be invisible..
the fuck?

79. I love old black and white movies.
no.

80. I can do a cartwheel.
eh, not really.

81. I don't believe suicide is smart.
suicide is for sadistic emo fucks who can't cope with life.

82. I wish I could be me all the time.
oh yea, i wish. cuase you know, i'm always just transforming into other people..

83. I think i dont try hard enough.
i do more then my share of trying hard.

84. for the most part, i think im the only person like me in the world.
yep. never met anyone remotly like me before.

85. i like people to be honest.
well, yea.

86. I am male.
no, but i definatly act like a guy.

87. I hate liars.
very much so.

88. I will never become what i hate.
nah, i'm not ghetto and/or bootilicious. so i don't have to worry about it.

89. I love meeting new people.
depends.

90. somepeople i want to stab you in the eye with my pen..
it'd be a lot easier to just kill them.

91. I am addicted to watching the road rules..
fucking hate that show.

92. i love to hear my girlfriend giggle.
that kyle, he's a real uh, gigglebox.

93. i hate to sing the twinkle twinkle song to my girlfriend….i do it anyway
no.

94. ^ and I’m allowed to use it once in a year as a get out of jail free card.
still, no.

95. music is my life..
for the most part.

96. kurt cobain is a lovely god who will remain devin's forever..
never did like nirvana.

97. I can fabricate shit out of metal.
i wish.

98. im growing up to fast.
too slow.

99. I think that a lot of people are a waste of oxygen.
yea. i mean hell, half of them are just gonna die on their 3rd try.

100. I wish I could tell everyone i love, everything. but i cant, they wouldnt believe me, or wouldnt care enough to listen.
i just got in a huge fight about that one. so i'm gonna play it safe and say everyone i love cares about me.

well.  i bet you liked reading that.

i love you, kyle.

-steph.

today i ate at a fried chicken establishment.  bad idea.

yesterday me and kyle went to the beach.  13 hours of kyle.  christ.  i love him.

tomorrows a thursday.  thursdays are always nice.

i met a halfbreed the other day.  you know what that means.

most of my summer either consists of playing unreal, magic and mayhem, c and c generals, heroes.. you get the idea.  i'm a fucking nerd.  i sleep till 2.  and on occasion hanging out with kyle.

saw fahrenheit 911.  saw day after tomorrow.  niether of them truely did it for me.

me and jana have been fighting a lot.  i think she has a crush on me.  but whenever i bring it up she calls me a jerkoff.  but she's into me on a sexual level.  she told me if i didn't shut up she would "honk" me.  draw your own conclusions.

listen to avenged sevenfold.  do it because i do.

peer pressure.  the leading cause of hiv in young african american women.  i'm not even kidding.  i saw the commercial.

if it's off the stove, you know it's haute.

and no, i am not pregnant.  sorry to dissapoint you all.  but i appreciate everyone telling me what to name it.  really, i do.

i can kick you.  higher then you can kick me.  i can kick you way up into a tree.

vietnamese just can't be tamed.  i've tried many times.  them and their azn pryizzle.

my moms name is jana.  shes from the czech republic.  i've been trying to register in this mail order bride thing.  cause me and kyle both think it'd be killer for someone to walk inside my house, put my mom in a box and send her somewhere to marry a fat guy who likes his harry potter dvd style.

tell me what you think about immigrants. 

or make fun of me.  your choice.